Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve

I was always a disappointment. An under achiever. ‘Could do better’ kind of student. I felt it and my Mum thought it. 

She was a high flyer, an achiever and very competitive. I always seemed to fall short of her expectations. This coloured my behaviour throughout my 77 years as I seem to have spent all that time trying to be successful to please her and everyone else around me.

After 30 plus years living overseas I came back to reside in England. I was able to visit my mum more frequently than in the past.  During that time I also got to know the other residents in her small community complex. On introduction they would say “We’ve heard all about the wonderful things you have done” or “Your Mum is so proud of you”. It was a comforting pleasure and a revelation to hear, but why did it have to come from a stranger? 

It was only after my mum died that my desire to succeed and please lessened. Although her passing left an enormous, sad gap in our lives it allowed me to finally come to terms with my shortcomings. Perhaps some of this can be attributed to my mature years and retirement but living with a family who openly takes great pride in all I do is equally important. 

My mum’s personal legacy shall have a lasting effect on me; I still strive to emulate her success, to do well and I dread failure. Perhaps in itself, that’s not such a bad thing.

My lifelong experience has made me aware of the importance of wearing your heart on your sleeve. Don’t leave it too late before you let your nearest and dearest know clearly how you truly feel about them.